I still love you, even when you scream

i still love you

So, today is Friday and it has been a great day. Actually it has being a great week, we have being so busy, it has flown by.

On Monday I did a fair bit of studying. It is still not enough in the grand scheme of things, seeing as I have an assignment due in on Thursday, and the kids are only at preschool on a Monday, for five hours together.

So you kind of see where that leaves me….

With very little time to read, plan draft and write my assignment. It’s enjoyable to say the least, being creative and answering questions to do with our English language. But, it’s not as simple and enjoyable as writing on my blog.

I mean if I feel like doing a blog post I just go to the notes on my iPhone and start writing, at any point in the day. Of course this can only be done children willing. Usually when they have found a really good game and are mesmerised in their play. They will leave me be, on the sofa, park bench or quietly sitting in the corner of their room, for a moment, if that!

Of course until they want a drink, or snack, or me to play with! Cute-little-people.

I am their whole world and I love that. I love that I have this huge responsibility for them. It’s a big task. But I honestly see it as a privilege. I feel honoured I get to be their mother any way I please. Of course I choose to do it with love. But it’s so much more than just love. It’s providing them opportunities and engaging with them.

i still love you 4

i still love you 3

So back to my week…

On Tuesday I had my hair done, at home. Picked Sophia up from preschool in the afternoon and we stayed at home, did dinner, and all had early night.

On Wednesday I had my tutor in the morning, so I dropped Sophia at preschool, Archie at my mums, and got the train. When I came back, me Archie and mum had lunch. I went home, Archie had a nap.  I picked Sophia up from preschool in the afternoon, and the three of us went to town with my mum in the late afternoon. We went to Costa and then back to my mums for dinner. We drove home at 6.30pm, the kids fell asleep in the car on the way home. They were put into their cosy warm beds. Dan was at home waiting for me and we had the rest of the night to ourselves. Wednesday was perfect.

On Thursday we were supposed to be having a lazy morning, but, I ended up taking Archie to the Dr at 9.50. He has another ear infection. My poor boy. At 10.30, we went to their musical Class. Sophia has hers from 10.30-11.15. Then Archie has his from 11.30-12.15, me and Sophia join him.

We then grabbed some grub from Marks and Spencer, and came home for lunch. Archie had a nap. While me and Sophia ate and watched some telly. When Archie woke, we did lots of playing then we made dinner, dad got home at his usual time round 6.15pm, I gave the kids a bath. We put them to bed round 7 o’clock. And that was Thursday.

On to today…

My dad came over in the morning for breakfast, as he is working late shifts at the moment. So the kids enjoyed seeing their granddad this morning, and playing with him. We left the house around 1pm and I dropped some old clothes off at the clothes bank, did a small food shop for milk and the usual bits and bought the kids some snacks. We then headed to Sophia’s gym lesson, Archie fell asleep. So while Sophia had gymnastics I did some studying for my assignment, in the car.

We took a slow drive home and Sophia chatted away to me about how she was the only one given a gold star. This was because she had being crying and didn’t want me to go. Unusual for Sophia, but I think it’s because it was the first day back.  So because she stopped crying and carried on enjoying the rest of the lesson with lots of support from her lovely gym instructors she got a gold star.

I don’t know about you, but when I am driving I love looking at all the beautiful and different landscapes around me. Driving the same routes every week, no matter how similar the landscapes, they always manage to look different, thanks to the ever changing seasons.

i still love you 5

When we finally arrived home, the kids played and ate some snacks.

At 5 o’clock the kids had dinner.

Just before I gave them a bath, Sophia had a massive melt down, and Archie followed suit. After such a brilliant week and no meltdowns, it was a bit of a shock to the system. She hasn’t had one of these for a long while… Thank goodness.

But yes she was very upset and this melt down lasted what felt like forever, but she got over it, and we had cuddles and Archie would not stop kissing and stroking her. It was seriously the sweetest thing to see.

If you’re wondering what the melt down was about.

It started; because, I wanted to undo her hair, and tie it up again for the bath, so all the bits that had fallen out wouldn’t get wet! So, I started doing it while she was playing on my phone and that was it, the epidemic started. After that everything upset her. I put her tea set in the bath for Archie to play with, and she was snatching and running around screaming saying no one is allowed her tea set.

So really things just carried on like this. I couldn’t calm her down, offered a cuddle but she wasn’t having any of it.

In the end, after I bathed her, while she screamed. She came to me for a cuddle, might I add, with her towel in her mouth, sniffing and out of breath. Looking and I’m sure feeling very sorry for herself, as you do after a meltdown.

We had lots of cuddles and I reassured her I loved her lots and that I’m sorry she was sad. Then she was fine. Brother also gave her lots and lots of kisses. It was so sweet to see. As only in the last couple of days does he give a little kiss if we ask him to. But I didn’t ask him to kiss her. He must have been sad to see sister so upset. He cried a lot while she had her meltdown. He was very upset by it.

It is nearly 7pm and I am now currently in their room, have Archie in the Tula on my back, and Sophia in her bed.

Sophia is asleep and Archie is nearly there, moaning a bit!

I have to say, I love being a mum and I am really happy, but, sometimes I’ll be honest, it is really hard, especially facing these tantrums. You have to have patience of a saint, calmness, and control over yourself. It’s a challenge, sometimes, keeping yourself together. But wow after the tantrum ended did I feel empowered. I didn’t lose it I didn’t shout or get really angry. I didn’t even laugh, because sometimes when I am nervous or stressed and angry I laugh. So, it was a proud moment for me. I didn’t feel like I had failed as mother afterwards, like I usually do because I shouted. In fact, I was upset for Sophia. To see the anger and upset in her little face screaming at me and kicking her legs was really sad. I wish I could help her to not get this upset over such silly things.

I know and realise its due to her development, her age, and other things like hunger or tiredness all coming together at once. Being a four years old is hard, especially having a younger brother who still breastfeeds and takes a lot of mummy’s time. Sometimes me taking her hair band out can just instigate all sorts of feelings in her, and make her really upset and angry. About it all, about just being four, with all this independence, when all she wants is mummy to do it all. So, she blames it on the hair band. “That’s why I am upset because you pulled my hair band out”. Or “that’s why I am upset because I want my toy kettle”. There is a theme; placing blame on things other than yourself.

We all do it. And fascinatingly, we start doing it from a very young age. As Sophia is the perfect example.

But alas we are only human, and we grow and develop every day, even myself, at 25, I am learning new things. And actually my daughter is teaching me some of these things. Or at least showing me and reinforcing what I already know.

But no matter how many tantrums she has I will always be melted by her cute smile, her “I love you mummy” and her sweet cuddles.

Because really she is just growing up and I will always love her no matter what.



1 Comment

  1. January 12, 2015 / 7:42 pm

    AHHH what a beautiful post. I can relate to it so much with my two little toddlers on my hands. We can love them so much for all they stand for and are but it’s still tough being a toddler isn’t it? bless. You write so beautifully. Thank you ever so much for linking up to Share With Me. I hope to see you again for another great round Wednesday!!! It’s open all week and you can always share an old favorite. I love finding new blogs to read. Yours is stunning! #sharewithme

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