On our return home, I took the children to the lake, we found a beautiful corner, which was filled with huge trees, so green and full of the anticipation of summer. I wanted to get a picture of Sophia and Archie together around the greenery, but they wouldn’t stand still so I used a good trick: “look at the bird in the tree, look quickly before he flies away.” For a good minute both children looked up and searched around for the bird they so very much wanted to see, (mean mummy I know), but it was worth it as I got some lovely pictures of the two of them really trying to find the bird, both looking ever so cute and ever so small still.
After a little sit down we took a walk to the park and I let the children play, me and Sophia played Rapunzel and Archie enjoyed trying his hardest to be a four year old too and climb all the very large climbing frames, not good for my heart. He really has no sense of fear, he is not scared of anything, is that a second child thing? Or is that a boy thing? Either way I am not sure what it is.
We played together and enjoyed the great outdoors. It was so lovely to feel the gentle wind on my neck have my children playing and laughing in the background, see the green taking over everywhere and the blossoming of flowers, to be back home and to appreciate all the things I love so much about where we live. I looked up to the sky, the sun shinning so brightly I had to squint, and I couldn’t help feeling so very small.
There is a big world that exists around me and a small heart that beats so fast inside of me, It beats to love my children, its beats to allow me to be the mother I so enjoy being, it beats for every experience I am here to encounter, it beats to allow me to experience life in all its glory and it beats to keep me alive and pump blood to every organ that works so complexly inside of me.
I stand looking up at the sky, the sun shinning on me as if a young flower ready to blossom, and I realise, I realise even though I feel I have come so far already, just as a caterpillar sews its cocoon with every intent of preparing to grow into a beautiful butterfly. I know I have so far to go and I know by the time I am 35 I will be in awe of how far I have come. Just like I am now, 25 and to be me, with all the amounts of responsibly surrounding me, life creating itself around me, opportunities and experiences tumbling so eloquently into my lap I hold my hands out in thanks to this beautiful earth I am living on, in thanks for everything I have been given so far, every thought, every feeling that has entered my heart and my mind I so very much appreciate, because it makes me… me.
I look down to my feet, firmly grounded, my shoes covering some of the long grass that stands tall around them and I know that no matter where I turn in life, whether I look up to the sky or down the earth, I know that first and foremost I am here to be me. And in the process I am here to experience, to dance to the rhythm of life, to be so happy I feel I am dreaming, to be so me I don’t know who I was yesterday, to be, just simply, to be.
Just like my son, who has no fear, we as adults must remember to walk fearlessly ahead, take on things that scare you every day push further away from your comfort zone everyday. It is one of the very beautiful ways to grow and develop who you are. Put yourself out there and just be you.