Today I had a really bad day! I really did. I cried, I felt bad, I felt rubbish, I felt useless and felt so absolutely exhausted and unworthy. Being tired doesn’t do good things to me. On top of all these feelings, which really do swallow a person up, I had two precious kids to look after. So I had no time to feel sorry for myself. I had a quick cry in the toilet sucked up the rest of the falling tears, wiped my face, and pulled on a smile for my kids.
As a mum you don’t have the choice to throw in your towel…
I found my self twitching most of the day to stop myself from yelling and moaning at the kids for absolutely nothing. As I tend to do when I am not myself and all over the place with my emotions.
I seriously hate it when I feel like this it’s probably the worst experience ever. When something goes wrong or a routine or structure in our lives is changed or starts changing I don’t always deal with it as well as I would like. I don’t know why but I think it might have something to do with loosing control or feeling like everything is out of control.
When you have two little ones who need you at your best, you need to be a well fuelled mummy. Well fed well slept, and well in general. But when negative feelings creep up on you, you kind of don’t have any where at all to run to.
For me today I was stuck in my four walls, with two crazy kids, and a messy house.
I had no choice but to come to my senses. I stopped myself feeling like a victim and I just cleaned the house and I cleaned and I cleaned. This did make me feel better but when we got home in the afternoon the kids trashed it again in just under an hour. Which was heart wrenching!
I think we can all agree that when we are in one of these moods even a messy house can feel like an absolute tragedy. I mean that is all I could see today, mess, and it depressed me even more than I was already feeling depressed.
All in all since last night when I broke my labtop, it fell off the sofa, I have been a mess I feel really sad lost and upset about it. That thing is and was everything to me. I’m a student and I blog (obviously) so I use it mostly every night and some days. (Writing this post on my phone) I have an assignment due on the 19th February and I need a new labtop ASAP.
Yes I’m feeling a bit down, so as any other normal human being would do, I am blaming it on something else. It was my laptop’s fault this time!
But I think it’s a number of things. Everything happens at once in life and right now it feels like I am in a non escaping hole in the ground and there is no ladder to climb out.
But there are three things that did help me today:
1. Don’t act on anger
As these moods can make you feel down don’t act on it when the kids push your buttons.
2. Stop for a moment and just breathe.
This really helps take away those pent up negative thoughts and feelings.
3. Grab your kids and hug and kiss them and tell them how much you love them.
This will never fail at making you feel better. It always works for me. I realise what is most important to me and I can really just stop making myself feel worse. Sometimes your children are your best healers. Little angels in disguise.
Hope you don’t have a bad day, but if you find yourself having one, know that I have them too.
And that they don’t last…