A bit of History | Life in the Wild

 

a little history life in the wild

Lately I have been so focussed on vlogging, I am so pleased that I have managed to capture Sophia’s first week of school (mainly first day) on camera for us to keep forever. Its a beautiful thing to be able to make videos and keep them. Its a strange thought that in 10 or 20 years the children, my husband and I will sit on the sofa and settle down to watch some of these vlogs I am doing and to read our blog posts. I am glad I have the vlogs and blogs to give to my children, a little thank you to them for a life well lived and for what they have given me.

There are many days I am out with them or at home with them, folding the washing, cleaning the dishes, tidying their room for the third time the same day and I feel a little upset. I never feel like I am doing quite enough. I mean I know I am as I never stop, I am always doing something. Don’t you ever wish there was more time in the day? I ask myself, did I do today right? Did I shout too much today? Was I good enough today?

Its got me thinking, I really believe that us woman, we put far too much pressure on ourselves. I love a challenge, I love taking risks, being spontaneous and facing up to my fears. I do it everyday in some form or another. And it makes me happy, because everyday I do what I love, I watch and video record my children, and I write. I write about what makes me happy and the memories we are making. But still sometimes I doubt, and I ask myself is that enough?

It’s silly and I feel silly writing it down too, but I am sure I am normal right?

Maybe it all stems back to my childhood? I remember always wishing mum was home, waiting for her to return from work late at night. I don’t remember mum being around much at all when I was younger and before we moved to England. I think my brain has remembered how much I missed mum and then left everything else out, my mum may disagree but that is how I remember it. She is a hard worker, she always has been. She loves her job and for many years has been the higher earner in the family, she is a modern woman. She has been an amazing role model in many ways to me and I wouldn’t change her or our life together for anything. She has taught me so much. Growing up I remember my dad most, pushing me on the swings, taking me on adventures around the garden, we were always exploring.

Once I was swinging on a tree -swing my dad had made me and just above my head on the branch was a green mamba one of the most poisonous snakes in South Africa and we both didn’t realise for some time because it was so camouflaged in the branch and its leaves. When my dad saw it of course he grabbed me and pulled me away with great speed. One thing I love about England is I can walk in my garden and not be afraid of standing on a snake. It was that common that I remember walking out on our gardener throwing stones at a snake to protect himself. Our housemaid had been bitten by one and even my little sister nearly stood on one before she was 2 years old. It really is dangerous out in the bush of Africa! People in England are scared of spiders and moths, where I feel lucky to have those creepy crawlies around my house. We had many episodes of snakes in our house too. Snakes really scare me. Actually I am pretty afraid of worms too. I put that down to a close friend of mine when I was younger, we were walking at the beach on a grassy bit and he grabbed a worm and shoved it down the back of my top I jumped out of my skin and still remember the skin crawling sensation and slimy slithery worm that was stuck under my top. To this day I am petrified of worms.

Dad also used to push me on our swings he had made us back in our home in South Africa and once he pushed me so hard I went flying into the bushes behind me. This is so funny now looking back on it but actually at the time I was really upset and couldn’t wait to tell mum when she arrived home, she always gave me the sympathy I desired.

Once dad took me swimming in the ocean and the current was so strong we got sucked so far out we couldn’t come back to shore. This was really dangerous and really scary. I remember dad just kept telling me we would be fine and I believed him. There is nothing like the protection your dad offers you as a child. I remember been deathly scared of the dark, but not when dad was around. So, dad and I in the ocean, it was so deep neither of us could stand and there must of been all sorts of fish and underwater animals beneath us I don’t even want to imagine it if I am honest.  I didn’t know at the time, but when I recently asked my dad about it he told me that he was absolutely terrified but of course didn’t let me know. As my dad is a surfer he knew to follow the tide and thats what we did until it washed us up onto shore the other side of the beach. We must have been out there for over an hour maybe more, I really can’t remember. I just remember feeling really tired and cold.

I had many experiences growing up, encounters with wildlife, I was brutally attacked by a dog at the age of 10. Things that thankfully I will never have to worry about my children experiencing. Through my eyes now it all just seems dangerous and crazy. But at the time I remember feeling happy and safe. The snakes and huge ocean was all so normal to me, so ordinary I missed it terribly when we first moved to England. From where I stand now, I cant believe how many times I hurt myself or caused myself pain. So many things happened to me. many many more that I haven’t even mentioned here.

From all the books I have read and what I believe I cant help but think that it was partly how very much I didn’t approve of myself, I constantly doubted myself growing up and didn’t believe in who I was I don’t know how I got on in life. I was outcasted many times at school and always ended up playing with the boys. I don’t know how I created that for myself I don’t know why or where it steamed from. But I am pleased that now I am okay I am in a really good place, a place that I am happy and have a lot more confidence in myself. I tend not to worry what anyone else thinks of me because I know I am a good person and I treat people well. When I was younger maybe I didn’t like myself.

I think giving birth changes you, it shows you that your body can accomplish anything. You are amazing and powerful beyond your own understanding. Your imagination is everything. I am learning everyday about myself. I am still figuring ‘her’ out. Maybe because I am only 26? All I know is that I love life, I am living it as best I can for my children. One thing I am so very thankful for is that I am here for them each and every day I am always around and thats something I am so proud of. Because I know not many mums are able to do the same. I also know how it feels to miss your own mum terribly. And I don’t want my two to miss me ever, if anything I want them to be sick of me always hanging around! Thats the kind of mum I want to be.

From everything I have written, and being afraid of the dark and not fitting in at school makes me realise how bad I thought the world was, how everything outside of my home was out to get me. There were many burglaries where we lived and there were always terrible stories floating around our village. I guess there is no wonder I grew up feeling out of control, scared and doubtful. I think moving to England was the best thing my parents could ever have done for me. I feel safe here.

So through it all, I try and accept that I am enough, I do enough for my children, I try my best and I shouldn’t beat myself up. We are not perfect. I read a quote a few years ago and from the top of my head went something like this: ‘In any job you have in life give it your best because if you do your best you know you have given it your all and thats all you can do.’ it just reminds me that we are not perfect and thats okay. We are all in the same boat, we all try our best and for me, to know what I am doing is good enough, makes me happy.

I also know that blogging has opened a whole new world for me, it is such a great community and full of ever growing potential. The online world is beautiful and I am so glad to be a part of it. Here is to life and things that make you happy.

A few weeks ago my lovely sister in law sent me this video, it is a campaign that Sanctuary Spa are working on and the video really touched me I had to share it. It is a lot to do with what I have written today.

To my mum and dad, I just wanted to use this post to say thank you, thank you for the life you gave me, for the experiences I had because of you. I had an exciting childhood filled with adventure. I felt loved and safe. I am grateful that we went from country to country while I was young it gave me a great perspective. I wouldn’t change it for the world. I wouldn’t swap anything. I have the most wonderful memories, I feel lucky and especially because I have you both here to share in my journey of motherhood.

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22 Comments

  1. September 11, 2015 / 8:04 pm

    It’s amazing the things we remember from childhood and how different childhoods can be in different countries. Knowing you I think your parents gave you great foundations and you obviously come from a family filled with love x
    Donna recently posted…Love the Little Things – 37/52 – #LittleLovesMy Profile

    • September 11, 2015 / 8:07 pm

      Aw thank you so much Donna! Yes growing up sure is a journey! Memories are everything. When I sit and write I can’t believe how much I remember. xx
      Tanita recently posted…A bit of History | Life in the WildMy Profile

  2. September 15, 2015 / 8:54 am

    I think it’s easy to feel like we’re not doing enough with our little ones when we have to get everyday tasks done but then we have to take a moment to realise their are children out there who don’t have somebody to give them a hug or put on those clean clothes, yet we feel guilty for taking part of our time to wash and fold the clothes our children wear, tidy their cosy home and make sure it is safe for them to play in. You do more than enough, never feel guilty! Xx
    Lisa – Leelee Loves recently posted…Breastfeeding with BreastvestMy Profile

  3. September 15, 2015 / 8:56 am

    This is a lovely post, I really enjoyed reading it. And you’re so right, it’s great to document all of this stuff now so you can look back and feel the same emotions you felt at the time. Beats a photograph every time!
    Emma recently posted…Boohoo Autumn Collection WishlistMy Profile

  4. September 15, 2015 / 10:39 am

    Wow it sounds like you have had so many adventures, I am terrified of snakes and have never seen one in the wild before. I don’t make vlogs but I love the idea of them as you say so you can look back on them in years to come xx
    Lindsay @ Newcastle Family Life recently posted…Ready For Pre-SchoolMy Profile

  5. September 15, 2015 / 12:29 pm

    I think life changes everyone but certainly once you give birth to a child it changes every thing. AFter my little ones were born I became very wistful of the past and hoping I was helping them to create positive memoriesxx I really enjoyed your post thank you for sharingxxx
    Amanda recently posted…Memo Board TutorialMy Profile

  6. September 15, 2015 / 12:48 pm

    That’s a beautiful post, you have so many lovely memories from your childhood to treasure (except the worm…I hate worms!) and you are creating so many lovely memories to share with your own children. And no you shouldn’t beat yourself up, we are all in the same boat, all doing our best 🙂
    Nicola Naessens recently posted…Cheering up a Little BoyMy Profile

  7. September 15, 2015 / 3:41 pm

    This is beautifully written! My mum was a stay-at-home mum for a long time when I was little, but I wish I was closer to her. Our personalities tend to clash sometimes. I often wonder how different things would have been if I had never seen her as a child. Strange how we look back on stuff like that and question it – humans are so prone to thinking about the past, worrying about the future, and rarely living in the present!!

    Glad to see you are happy now and it certainly sounds like you had a very exciting childhood filled with adventures! I would love to see more blogs about your life in South Africa 🙂

    Great blog! xx

  8. September 15, 2015 / 4:16 pm

    Some lovely memories here – thankyou for sharing them with us. I love reading about other people’s childhoods, especially in a different county or culture.

  9. September 15, 2015 / 4:16 pm

    Some lovely memories here – thankyou for sharing them with us. I love reading about other people’s childhoods, especially in a different county or culture.

  10. September 15, 2015 / 5:58 pm

    Aw what a deep post, I loved hearing all your memories! I do think put a lot of pressure on ourselves these days though because we always want to give our children what we didn’t have! xx
    livedwithlove recently posted…Rumbly Tummy Cicciobello doll reviewMy Profile

  11. September 15, 2015 / 9:00 pm

    In our lifetime we are challenged by obstacles that are determined to throw us off our life’s course but we must learn to remember these memories as a stepping stone for the future.
    Ana De- Jesus recently posted…An Interview With Maple LeopardMy Profile

  12. September 15, 2015 / 9:26 pm

    The impact that technology has in our lives is amazing because when I was younger we had to go to the photo shop and print our photos we had these massive cameras and little tapes to record memories and now we have everything on our computers so one day we can watch it! It’s amazing and you’re creating amazing things with the blog and the vlogs 🙂 your kids will appreciate that later 😀
    Anna C. recently posted…Meow | OutfitMy Profile

  13. September 15, 2015 / 10:03 pm

    It’s lovely to be able to look back and remember some great, and some terrifying moments with your family. Life really was quite different to what it is in England.
    Emma T recently posted…A day trip to Portland Bill and Chesil BeachMy Profile

  14. Fi Ní Neachtáin
    September 16, 2015 / 5:41 pm

    This is such a lovely post. It’s so refreshing to have people say they loved their childhood. It’s great that yours was filled with lots of adventure, just like every childhood should be 🙂

  15. September 16, 2015 / 6:41 pm

    I really need to do something with the last 4 years of photos and videos that I have. I’ve left it so long now that it’s a daunting thought. It’s a great keepsake and thankful for the technology we have these days.
    lifewithmunchers recently posted…Blog Birthday Giveaway #3 | Graco Affix Car SeatMy Profile

  16. September 16, 2015 / 10:56 pm

    i really loved reading this post, it is so honest and a lovely little insight to your life. I love the pics of your parents from the past, old photos always bring so much emotion in me happy and sad when I get chance to look at them. Glad you feel in a happy place now in the uk
    Rachel recently posted…21 Spooktacular Halloween Party Ideas for KidsMy Profile

  17. September 17, 2015 / 8:55 am

    What a lovely post, I often think the same have I done enough and there definitely needs to be more hours in the day haha! It’s amazing what you can remember from your childhood. I can remember some days so vividly like it was only yesterday yet i can’t even remember what I ate for dinner yesterday xx
    Kerry (@Ohsoamelia_blog) recently posted…OPTIONS AVAILABLE FOR SPECIAL EDUCATIONAL NEEDSMy Profile

  18. September 19, 2015 / 7:02 am

    That must have been pretty scary being stuck at sea that long!!! I love that video I saw it recently, some great advice!
    Eimear recently posted…Slimming World IrelandMy Profile

  19. September 20, 2015 / 3:58 pm

    Wow this was so interesting to read. I cant imagine living around such wildlife, and to have snakes in such close proximity all the time! It does make our moths and house spiders seem like nothing in comparison! xx
    hayley recently posted…Guest Post: The Births Nobody Wants To Talk AboutMy Profile

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