I originally wrote this post in September 2014. It was when I was becoming so very aware of how much of an influence we have on our children, especially through the words we speak and how we put our fears on them.
I believe that limitations are self-created through fear. In order to grow and evolve we need to let go of this fear that we hold onto. I have found as I have let go of my fears I have stopped putting them on my children.
As parents we are always trying to protect our children, sometimes we don’t realise how much we tell them they can’t do something, or we put fear into them.
We need to be aware of how we speak to our children, because we are teaching them to fear the world, and limit themselves.
I want for my children to be confident, happy, self assured, kind, caring, in touch with who they really are. I want them to know the gifts they have and have the confidence (not fear) to put their talents into practice.
Fear has a way of belittling, bringing down, and stifling your own growth. I know that the fear my children have almost certainly starts with me. I am their example.
I can see such a difference in my children since I began this different parenting approach. I can see how they feel free, they are not afraid. Sophia speaks up for herself respectfully. She picks up worms and bugs with confidence, she runs and climbs when we are outside. Things that she has never done before. She has slowly evolved and grown in self belief.
Sometimes I desperately want to shout ‘No’ or ‘be careful’ but I don’t, I might wince inside sometimes and feel my face burn up because I am so worried she might hurt herself. But she doesn’t, and I am always right there for her if she needs me.
By allowing her to go ahead with confidence and not feeding ‘doubt’ into her mind by telling her to be careful or not to do something she is able to make the decision and judgement for herself. She is learning to trust herself.
Watching her blossom over this last year has really shown me how very well she is doing, and in turn that these few changes I have made in my ways of parenting over the last few years, have had such a positive effect on her.
Even so with my son who is two, I rarely ever tell him to ‘stop’ or ‘no you can’t do that’. Which is not only less stressful for me but for him as well. There is nothing to be scared of. Being calm, collected, assured that your child is moving confidently in the right direction with love and freedom somehow settles you.
Positive talk from you and your partner, knowing life is as it should be, that children are naturally intuitive, that they learn to lead by example rather than from an authority or fear; it gives you a new sense of freedom that you are doing something right. That you are trying your best to set a positive example.
There are many different styles of parenting, and no way is the wrong way. Your love for you child and what you know from your past, your parents, and who you are, will allow you to be the best parent you can be.
If you want to be better, you will be shown ways, if you want to change, again you will be shown ways, if you are happy with the way you parent now you will read and see things that confirm you are doing the right thing.
There are so many differing messages out there, it can all become quite overwhelming. As you accept who you are and what you want from life, I really believe things will fall into place.
Becoming this parent that I am now, did not happen over night. It has taken me a long time to get here, to learn, to understand. Its taken a lot of work within myself to realise exactly what is in the best interest of myself and my family.
When I first read over this post that I wrote over a year ago, it made me realise how far I have come in being a better parent, in trusting my own instincts, trusting my heart and what it tells me about bringing up my children.
You don’t have to shout, scare, frighten and threaten your children. You can take a different approach it is possible for life to be calm, it is possible to talk things over with a two year old gently and discuss options. It is possible to treat a two year old as a person and not a baby.
I see everyday how much my two year old understands, he is able to make his own decisions as to what he wears, what he eats, whats he plays with, when he is tired, how he likes to be loved, when he needs a cuddle, when he doesn’t. The list is endless and I am learning everyday how to trust both my children more. To accept them and let them have a say in their life, a voice that is louder than mine.
As a parent I try to teach my children to feel at peace with who they are, to be self aware, so that they are confident in themselves, hopefully creating children who are able to implement and live their dreams. I want them to have happiness and confidence in themselves. I have so much confidence in them but I want them to learn to have it in themselves. By giving them the gift of their own power and teaching them how capable they are by saying: ‘yes’, ‘you can do it’, ‘go for it’, you give them the positive self talk they learn to keep telling themselves as they grow.
Don’t we want to set our children free from negativity, and let them live and love intuitively, so they can have what they desire and most importantly trust themselves. I want that for my children with every inch of my heart, body, and soul.
To be able to help your children become who they are truly meant to be, we need to allow them, and to teach them to love themselves. There is enough judgment out there in society. So don’t judge them, don’t put things into their mind that will cause them to feel bad. So what if they are screaming in the shop and everyone is looking at them. I know I have said in the past: ‘stop crying everyone is looking at you’. In a bid to stop myself being embarrassed but sadly those fears were my own fears and I put them on my daughter.
By working on myself and getting rid of some of my fears I have allowed myself to become a better parent, a parent with my family’s best interests at heart.
I don’t believe there is a ‘normal or ‘typical’ parent. I believe everyone is unique, with unique gifts and ways of doing things. This is what makes us all so intrinsically connected but yet so unimaginably different.
Love yourself, work on yourself internally and externally, grow your wisdom and knowledge, read and educate yourself. Work on your physical body, and most importantly work on your mind, how you talk to yourself.
Your connection to who you really are is what connects you to the physical world, it connects you to everything that you could possibly imagine that exists around you.
Create what you desire, by being happy with what you have you stop limiting yourself to what you believe you cannot achieve, you are your biggest enemy.
What if you taught your children that there are no limitations to what they can achieve in their life? What if you stopped saying ‘no’ and placing judgment?
Our future generations are the most important generations, let’s start helping our children live without limits.
What limits really exist but the limits we create in our own minds?
“It’s what we all wanted when we were children- to be loved and accepted exactly as we were then, not when we got taller or thinner or prettier…and we still want it… but we aren’t going to get it from other people until we can get it from ourselves.” ― Louise L. Hay