Since starting the last year of my degree up in September this year, I have had such a busy schedule and tight routine with the kids we have not had very many days at home at all.
I dunno how it worked out like that, but it just did, so, by Friday we are all exhausted and then at 2pm Sophia has gym so we never really have a full day at home.
Today being a Thursday,they both usually attend preschool/nursery from 8.30-11.30, but I have decided to stop Thursdays. I kind of put them both in as a rushed, worried mum, doing a degree, with two kids from home, with not enough time to do everything a mum, housewife, and student needs to do. But I have submitted two assignments with ease so far, so I think dropping the Thursday wont hurt to much.
Plus I miss being at home with them and being the mum I have always known how to be, getting the paints out at every opportunity, lots of coloring and creativity. I feel like we haven’t had a day like this since Archie was born last November. Which is really sad, and bad on my part. But with everything going on, life has just taken over and I have not made space for these kind of days.
I feel bad about it, really bad. Because before Archie was born me and Sophia would spend many a day doing crafts, chatting, playing together and learning. But now with two running around, it is a whole new ball game. Its a bit more chaotic then I would have expected. I like being organised with the kids and have their routines in place, washing days, clean my house from top to bottom days; so that it doesn’t build up, and make cake days, read to my kids etc. But all this and each activity requires a lot of time. Which I somehow don’t have at all with two kids and the schedules I have on with them both at the moment. From September I have felt like everything has just been go go go go go go. I have no head space, time to think, to re group, to enjoy, to soak up, to indulge, nothing what so ever, nada.
But that is life with two little ones, its busy busy busy, go go go, and I wont lie I love it, i cant complain. On a good day when we are out, doing our thing, meeting the people we are meeting, going on the adventures we go on, and exploring the wild we explore. I am at my happiest, my most happiest. Because I enjoy being a mum, I just need to manage my time with these two a bit more sufficiently.
I will be the first to admit getting used to time management, from one child to two, is shockingly easy at the beginning when the baby has it’s milk, poos, goes to sleep. But then weaning starts, walking starts, all the developmental leaps start and well lets just say its full steam ahead. Sophia needs me, still wants me, still wants her mummy cuddles and just the general one on one attention. But then i have this little baby who needs dressing, carrying, loving, feeding, changing, the list goes on. And sometimes i do feel guilty about my poor little Sophia. But I grab her and give her a cuddle and tell her how much i love her, and the guilt soon passes. I just need to remind myself, i am doing the best i can, i love being a mum, i enjoy it most of the time (expect when both kids are screaming, that’s just not enjoyable). So i tell myself: just get on with it Tanita, your doing it, and in the best way you can. I seriously have to tell myself this sometimes.
Ultimately no matter what you do in life as a mum, you will always have small doubts, and feelings of guilt that you don’t do enough, that you can do more. But just remember if your doing your best, there is not a lot more you can do.
So i have written this post because today was the first day, lets just say in a long time, that i let go of the house work, all the other things that needed doing, and I did crafts with my children, and they absolutely loved it, and so did I.