The last few weeks we have been all over the place, running on very little sleep, long to do lists, and a general feeling of overwhelm. We knew that Sophia’s operation would throw us out a little as a family and we thought we were prepared. We didn’t expect so little sleep and that all of it would effect Archie’s sleep too. But we got through it and are out of the worst now. It didn’t last long but at the time it was quite difficult on all of us. I cant imagine what sorts of pain Sophia was in, she is so brave.
The moment she walked away from me holding her daddy’s hand I couldn’t stop the tears if I tried. I remember the feeling of dread and fear I had of going into the operation room when I had my laparoscopy. I remember trying to push all the doubt into the back of my mind so that I didn’t make it all worse. Sophia had no idea she would have pain after the operation she had no idea it would be days maybe weeks for it to pass without medication. All she knew is she was going into the Hospital and would have her own room with a big telly and she was happy with that. So was I. I remember laying on the bed just before they put me to sleep, they inserted the cannula and distracted me while they did so, which I was glad for because I hate needles and I hate cannulas. The nurse spoke to me about my life and my children while they put the drugs inside of my hand. I slowly felt it kicking in and started to feel drowsy the next thing I knew I was waking up and they were pulling a tube out of my throat. It was sore. I was upset, I wanted Mr T and I couldn’t see him yet. I had to wait till I was out of the recovery room.
Remembering all this and what I went though, made it somewhat easier for me to accept Sophia was having to go through a similar experience. I knew she would come out okay. But it didn’t stop the anxiety and the apprehension I felt. The overwhelming feeling you get when you are in a situation you don’t feel comfortable in. Mr T told me as they were putting the drugs into Sophia’s little hand she asked to go the toilet and tried to get up she tried to get away, but Mr T leant over her and cuddled her he took her little body in his arms and held her close. He told her it was going to be okay. And, she fell asleep. Just like that and he was asked to leave the room. He came out of the doors and I slung my arms around him, he was strong, a lot braver then me. I needed that because I was not strong, not at all.
Nevertheless the time went fast and she was back in my arms in no time.
Then fast forward seven days and we are here, she is just about all completely recovered and I am so grateful. To celebrate her feeling all better and wanting to face the world again we planned to go out.
I made us a picnic lunch, I packed our picnic blanket, looked for a Rapeseed field to visit on google (which was not easy to find at all) and we set off. I didn’t quite know where I was going but I just drove, knowing the village but not exactly where it was. We drove for 40 minutes trying to find it.
The children started to get hungry so I pulled over and grabbed them both a banana to eat so I could carry on trying to find these fields I had kept dreaming about visiting for so long now. After some time I decided to pull over in a cafe on our way and ask if they knew where the rapeseed fields were: ‘just straight on this road and your first left, as you carry on they should be right in front of you, they are on the main road, you cant miss them’ She told me. ‘Perfect! thank you so much’ I beamed as I ran out. I got back into the car and told the kids we had found the fields and they were just up here.
‘Yay’ They both shouted with delight. Archie throwing his hands into the air as he cheered. He always gets so excited about the smallest of adventures. It most definitely always spurs me on to find more exciting things to do with them especially when it comes to exploring. They both love being outdoors.
When we found the fields I was so excited but couldn’t find a way to get in other then to climb a small hill and leave the car on the main road. Luckily it was back roads, so very quiet and you would only get one or two cars passing within the hour.
We got out and climbed the small hill arriving at the top we saw a yellow glow all around us. The children were so happy, so was I. It was so beautiful I stood looking in front of me. All I wanted to do was run back to the car and get my camera, I wanted to capture the moment. But I didn’t (not straight away). The children and I sat together for a while and the children inspected the yellow rapeseeds. Two white butterflies flew past us we followed them and as we did we saw a few more. That was just the icing on the cake for me how beautiful I thought, the sun was shinning so brightly, the rapeseed fields were a beautiful yellow colour and then there were white butterflies flying all around us. Just amazing!
We were going to have our picnic at the park but it was so beautiful here I didn’t want to leave. So I asked the children if they wanted to have their picnic here and they agreed nodding their heads and very much excited about having a picnic in the wild! It is always the spur of the moment things that always seem to be so special. The children were so happy I saw it in the way they looked around them and ate their peanut butter and honey sandwiches, in the way they asked me about the mini beasts and told me with enthusiasm they were explorers.
It was honestly one of the best days I have had. I don’t know what it is about finding beautiful places like this, but it really sets my soul on fire. There is just something about being in a beautiful landscape with the sun shining and having two of the most special people in the world with me makes that makes me so happy. Just missing Mr T of course. But he was at work and we have promised him we would bring him back here to see the rapeseeds too!
We were laughing, giggling and rushing for the camera to take these, I tried to make it as fun as possible for them. I was in the middle of telling them to smile like explorers and Archie reached around and grabbed me and Sophia and gave us the biggest cuddle. I am so glad this was captured on camera as it was completely natural. It is an image of the three of us I will treasure forever.