Quite honestly while I sit here and type this I cannot believe that my two beautiful children are now both 6 and 3. This is our first Christmas day as just a family of four, as previous years we have always enjoyed Christmas day with family. We are fully prepared, the fridge is all stocked up, presents under the tree, stocking presents wrapped and in the christmas sacks, ready to be put at the end of their beds this evening. The only thing left to do is to get santa to wrap their presents, I am sure he is really organised and they are wrapped!
My Big sister and her little brother have had their moments this month. But I really try to help them to learn to compromise or comp-ro-brise as Archie puts it. I like for them to sort disagreements out themselves I think it really helps them to learn what the right thing to do is. So we have done a lot of comp-a-brising this month let me tell you!
Just this morning Archie came to me saying that Sophia wouldn’t let him draw on her paper and he was crying. I said cant you find another bit of paper and he said there was no more (there was he just likes to have what Sophia has) and so I said oh well then you need to tell Sophia that the both of you need to compromise. Well as always Archie takes everything I say like gospel and he waltzed into the living room fully ready and prepared : “Sophia, sophia” (he says in his very gruff voice) “mummy said we need to comprobise” Well that was it, Sophia was in hysterics and I came in and I smiled and I looked at them and then little Archie started laughing and we were all laughing and the paper was forgotten… just like that.
So mostly they have been my two very wonderful children who generally are just so easy to have around who enjoy simple things like running in our garden with their wellies, or colouring in with their blunt colouring pens. They are pretty carefree apart from when I moan at them to clean up their mess that is!
All in all I would say that this time in our lives is easy. Yes the children drive us a bit crazy sometimes, but they sleep through the night, they get themselves dressed and the list could go on. But generally speaking it is easier then it has ever been. But (and thats a big but just to say) I am a woman and some days I would love to add to our brood. But I’m in a constant battle of how wonderful it is now that I am quite honestly a little scared to change that and to disturb the peace so to speak.
But mostly when I just look at the photos of my two little monkeys I am more in love with them then ever before. As they have grown up and we have bonded more and become closer our love just grows and grows. By the love growing I mean it expands and loves them more then I ever thought possible. I love how Archie’s stories he tells me about the dragon and the swords make me smile, I love Sophia’s little chats about the world around her.
Especially so with Sophia we chat about all sorts of things and I like it, I really really like it. I remember when she wasn’t an hour old and she was laying on the hospital bed, all pink and warm I stood over her and dressed her in her purple little baby grow I had carefully picked out weeks before. I noticed the hospital bands on our arms, I noticed her long but very little legs and her wrinkly skin. She was so small and tiny and all I wanted to do was hold her close, love her and protect her. My little girl.
It was so surreal standing there dressing her after almost 10 months of carrying her inside of me with no idea of what she would look like or how it would be. How being a mother would be. At that moment in my head while I knew I was her mother I somehow didn’t feel that way yet I just had the overbearing feeling of love held inside me for this little human laid before my eyes so small so cute and so perfect.
I thought it would be easy and I thought she would sleep so well. But of course it didn’t work out quite like that, and looking back I am glad because we managed to get through all those challenges. The time I was in sheer panic because she was screaming so loud I ended up crying too. When we were trying to establish breastfeeding in the first few days I cried my eyes out because it was the worst pain I had ever felt in my life, and it was constant. Oh how I wish I had written down all those challenges when I first had her because I have forgotten many of them now. But how they taught me, how they encouraged me to grow up and to be an adult. How they made me selfless to her always. How they showed me what life is really about. How important Sophia is in my life, and how that will never change. She is the little seed that has grown and taken over my life like a very beautiful and untamed flower.
I wouldn’t change those moments for the world. This little girl has taught me more in the last 6 years then I ever knew possible. She is my little angel (yes she can drive me crazy sometimes but all the best people do).
And now we have Archie, who is already three years old. Born on the very last day of November I like to call him my little christmas baby. He was our little present three years ago. Although his birth was one of the most traumatic things I have ever been through in my life going through the recovery and seeing the signs of the trauma all over his face was well and truly heartbreaking for me. The experience itself made Archie and I so strong. Our bond from the very start was intense, from the very beginning and as he has grown up I love him like I do my husband. He is his mini and I am crazy for him in all the ways possible. And that will never change not until the day he marries.
Wishing you and yours a very Merry Christmas and a happy New Year x