This week has been such a busy week for us. And so very exciting too. Sophia started school on Wednesday and she has now done three mornings. She has been so excited each day and woken to put her uniform on straight away, and her blue book bag too, she puts that over her shoulder around 8am every morning until we leave just after eight thirty. It’s so cute. It probably won’t last but for now I find it adorable, she loves her blue book bag. I have taken lots of pictures of her this week. It’s been really hard not to. There is something so cute about seeing your little one in a baggy oversized uniform that they look a little too small to be wearing. Definitely a captured moment. One for Heledds linky I think! I captured her on her first day too she wore her winter uniform as the weather was so gloomy, but on Thursday and Friday she wore her summer uniform as it was lovely and sunny. You can see her cheeky little personality in the photos, she loves pulling faces and most of the time it takes me many shots and lots of bribery to get her to pose ‘normally’ for me in a photo. For these I was so happy to see her happy and full of life for her second day of school. She couldn’t wait to walk to school, can you tell?
This week Archie said I love you mummy for the first time. It sounded something like this: ‘wuve oo mummy’ I am definitely feeling emotional. Both my children feel so big. I am so broody, but we have no plans for anymore children although I would love another one. I am torn because two is such a perfect number and it’s easy. I cant believe within the next two months I will have a two year old and a five year old! Archie has a little obsession with his big sisters pink shoes and waddles around the house in them feeling ever so proud of himself. In the photo he has a Marks & Spencer bag filled with bits and bobs, just what his sister used to do at his age. And he is holding Sophia’s binoculars saying: ‘cama, cama’ of course he means camera. I just love this age, Archie is so desperately trying to fit in and belong, with his big sister. Trying so hard to talk just like her and have conversations with us. Its so sweet. Everything he does Sophia, Mt T and I find ourselves saying ‘aw’ ‘he is so cute’ just about all day. Because he certainly is. I think this photo sums him up so well, cheeky and mischievous and very cute too.
This summer holidays have whizzed passed I can’t believe Sophia starts a full week of school on Monday, which will be half days. I’m extremely happy for her also partly apprehensive for her as she starts full days in two weeks time. Plenty time to settle in, but once the full days kick in I am sure she is going to be so tired after school. Although it will be nice to have some sort of established calm at home it will also be so bittersweet. Because I will miss her so terribly much.
I have cried, actually I cried in front of her teacher and I was a bit embarrassed because it was the first time I had met her one to one. I haven’t cried since. I haven’t been that emotional either since that day, in the teary form, my heart is sensitive it feels everything but on the outside you wouldn’t know. I feel okay its a big step but I am okay as long as Sophia is happy then I am happy too. When her teacher came over to visit and started talking softly and I spoke about how lovely Sophia is, what she is good at, what she enjoys doing and what she is scared of I welled up with emotion and burst into tears. I found it a little hard to stop too. It was all just so much so quickly, her teacher coming over and then the next day her first day at ‘big school’.
On her first day when I picked her up I think she felt on top of the world. Big school gives you a place in the world, a purpose and a confidence, and I definitely noticed that in Sophia. Walking home she said: ‘mummy pretend your not my mummy, and that I am walking home on my own, okay.’ And then she asked me: ‘can I cross the road without holding your hand too?’ I giggled and inside I felt winded. Like the air had been sucked out of me, I was shocked. I know she doesn’t really understand and she knows she can’t walk on her own or cross the road without holding my hand but when she said that to me I realised just how much my little girl is growing up.
You hear from other mums how much they change when they start school, and I have been taking extra notes of Sophia’s behaviour. It’s definitely changed. She is more feisty says what she wants, naggs at me and her dad a bit longer. Likes using the word ‘poo’ an awful lot, and if we say ‘NO’ she tries to do it anyway. She is becoming her own person and realising she is in control of herself (to a certain extent) she is still a really good girl she listens well, she is caring and I love her so much. But she is growing up, and sometimes the things she says shocks us but it’s beautiful to see her come into her own.
Her teacher says such lovely things about her, how she is a great helper and is doing really well at making friends. I am so proud of her. She makes me so proud. Honestly I could say it more if I wasn’t afraid of boring you.
But there is something so magical about giving birth to your own child embracing her and feeding her, loving her and dressing her each day. And slowly but surely watching her grow up … first into a little girl and then into a woman.
One day this little daughter of mine is going to get married, she is going to embrace her own children and just thinking about it all, about life, brings tears of joy to my eyes. It’s beautiful isn’t it? Watching your little girl grow up. I love how she asks me: ‘mummy can I wear some of your lipstick? ‘Can I have a spray of your perfume?’ ‘Can you curl my hair like yours?’ ‘I love your top mummy, you look so beautiful.’
Oh darling daughter if only you could really see yourself through my eyes. You would see an angel, a little girl who inspires her mummy everyday to do better, to be better, and to give you all she can.
You are everything to me and I love you so much. You did your dad and I so proud this week at school. You are everything I ever wished for in a daughter and I am so very excited and apprehensive to see you blossom and live your dreams.