What I will say on graduating is that it was possibly the most surreal experience I have been through. I felt a huge sense of relief and inner satisfaction from writing my TMA’s. It made me happy to write them and to have a completed piece to submit. Also the same feeling of happiness and gratefulness was present on my graduation. I always feel so happy to have the time to write. During my degree, sometimes it was difficult to stick to answering the TMA question, as opposed to the freedom I get when writing here on my blog. But in general I loved writing. I loved expressing my opinion and trying to decipher what the author had laid down for me. I fell in love with english literature, and the complex english language that allows us to communicate. Its gives us so much and just to think about its evolution and how the first word was invented blows my mind a little bit. It is exciting to me how much we have ‘evolved’ as a human race and everything we have right here in front of us to learn from. Doing my degree has opened my eyes to many of the wonders in this world. In every niche, for example, sport, blogging, literature, motherhood, there is so much to learn. The cup is overflowing with knowledge for us to take in with every endeavour. There is so much to learn always.
One thing that I took away with me from my degree is the beautiful opportunities that exist in life. In books I found something beautiful. I found ‘authors’ who skilfully manipulated language, so beautifully it was a joy to read how the words so easily flowed from one to the other. Where you were taken into a fictional world where anything is possible, how beautiful the exchange between reader and writer. Each book a gift from its author, to experience it as you wish and to take from it what you wish. That’s beautiful to me.
When you write something down, whether it is for yourself or for ‘your’ readers you are giving. You are giving a part of yourself inn some form. It can be a form of release or it can be a way to be creative but it has the potential to be anything you want it to be. Thinking about the pages I turn and the words I read, the lessons I have learnt and the true beauty of an excellent book makes me happy. It reminds me that it was all worth it, every tear, every ounce of my (sometimes lacking) determination and inner motivation to get it done. It was worth it. I am a very proud owner of a BA Honours Degree, and that gives me goosebumps, I still need to pinch myself to make sure I am here, at the finish line and wow that went so fast.
I still remember receiving my first lot of books from The Open University, cutting into the cardboard box and slowly opening it, flicking through the pages, and the fresh smell of my new books. Sophia was sleeping in the other room, while I peered a little into my future. The start of my journey as mum and student. She was only three months old and she is now nearly five years old. My goal was to finish it within 3 to 4 years and I did it. (You can complete an Open University degree anytime within 7 years) So I am really proud of the time it took me even with two small children. I am proud of myself because I stuck at it. Many people have asked how did you do it, how did you juggle it all. Whenever I am asked this question the first thing I think in my head is that it was easy and I was happy. But then I think thats not enough for people, they wont understand it. So I turn it around and say well I can sit here and say that it was easy because I have done it, but there were hard times. Thats my answer. And thats the truth. But I think it sounds better and people can take that in more easily. I think everyone expects a degree to be hard. It was hard, of course it was, but I was happy I enjoyed it. I loved working towards a goal. It gave me a purpose and working towards fulfilling it was exciting. My degree was part of me, everyday, the hours reading, writing, researching, it became such an intrinsic part of my life, our daily routine as a family it became ‘easy’ but just like in everyday life there are struggles. It was the same with my degree. All I know is that during the whole process, there was help from everywhere, with childcare, motivation and inspiration. Which did make it a lot less stressful at times when the help was there.
I just know that it was something I was meant to achieve because the road was good to me, it was smooth with a few bumps and there was plenty of inspiration and help along the way in many different forms. That is how I know it was part of my path. It was meant for me. I have to add that through it all I was happy, I enjoyed it. I tried my hardest to live in the moment and to not rush it all away. Now that it is all over it feels like it has gone in a blink.
I had always wanted to go to university and study but my life previous to children had never allowed it. So to actually be sitting here and typing this seems so unreal to me. That I am done.Its a truly wonderful feeling, I feel relief I don’t quite know how to put into words. All I know is that I don’t need to worry about handing in my next TMA.
All I know is that I am grateful that it all fell into place as it did. That I was given an opportunity to complete a degree alongside having my children. To achieve this dream of mine is such an incredible feeling one that is a little hard to explain. Always thinking about something and working towards it for so long, and now that I have finally accomplished it there are true feelings of realisation and self confidence and just utter happiness. It is beautiful. Most days as I do my daily routine with the children I sit and stare at them and I look at us all now with a rather big smile on my face. A smile that says: “I did it”, for me first, but I did it for the two of them. Because I love them so much. So much it hurts sometimes.