Raising a son is only part of it

raising a son

I am coming here to write about what has been on my mind lately. It is a long one, so you might want to get comfy.

While raising this little boy of mine I have come to think about many things, as I did with sophia. But in different ways. I worry less and I don’t have any preconceived ideas of how a boy ‘should’ be raised.

There is no right or wrong way. Archie is two years old and he is so fiercely independent as well as being a little clingy and attached to me at times. He is both, when it suits him or when he needs extra reassurance. He carries dolls in his carrier, and kisses their foreheads, as I did to him when he was a baby and still seldomly now when I carry him. He holds them close and offers them a dummy, he always tells me he is the daddy not the mummy, that is his personal preference. He loves playdoh and will ask to get it out most days, twice a day, he rolls balls, makes snakes. He plays for hours, and that is no exaggeration. When he is playing something he really enjoys whether thats playing with his tools, or playdoh he will be engrossed in the activity for hours. He gets on well with his own company.

raising a son

raising a son

This is something I think is so very important. Being able to be alone and enjoy your own company is something we push our children away from, we force them to socialise and ‘make friends’ implying to them that their own company is not good enough. When actually our own company is the first place to start if we want to have friends. If we enjoy spending time on our own and we get to know ourselves, our interests, hobbies and explore our creativity, we learn about who we are. That is the basis for our social endeavours. How can we make friends if we don’t know who we are and what our interests are?

raising a son

I am learning everyday. I try and be the best parent I can, and that also means taking time out to do the things I love. I have to. It is paramount to my success as a mum. If I am happy and feeling like I have achieved what I needed to, I can give the best of myself. If I have something that I do for me that makes me happy, the house runs smoothly, life is calm, there is no stress. That is how I like it. I like for things to be calm, quiet and easy. And they are. Our lives are very much this way for the majority of the time, because that is what makes me feel secure. I like being busy and I like doing things as a family but it needs to done calmly. And it is.

I saw a friend of mine the other day and my husband was due to fetch me, but he had run out of fuel so I had to walk while he purchased fuel and drove to me. I didn’t mind at all actually I needed some fresh air, and my friend lives in such a beautiful part of the world, it is completely out of the way, it is serene and calm, and a complete joy to walk around there. There are beautiful surroundings full of trees, bright green grass every way you turn, and sheep, lots and lots of sheep everywhere.

I paused on the road for a moment, and stood still as I attempted to take a photo. Something was looking at me. It was a sheep, I wasn’t phased but thought that it was lovely that he was starring at me so intently. I kept walking and for a long while the sheep starred me straight in the eyes and watched me walk, it carried on for more then I believed a sheep had a concentration span for. It was a moment.

I have recently decided to become a vegetarian and I couldn’t be more happy with my decision, first it was just due to a long developing aversion to meat. There was just something about that moment of realisation and my decision to stop eating meat, it confirmed my choice. It confirmed all my feelings were right and reminded me I am making the right choices for myself.

I think it must be the most beautiful life living on a farm and caring for the animals and walking up to the sounds of the cockerel and the sheep, and seeing the crisp winter frost covering the grass and flowers as if a blanket. Even in the spring waking up to the noises as the sun rises and dries the dew. All beautiful in my mind. But of course you get the other side to it. If you are an animal lover and take care of the animals which is a huge job in itself and then get to know them and then have to send them off to the slaughter house this must feel like the most saddest thing in the world.  At least to me it does. However I am very aware of how doing something day in day out, and ignoring the feelings, you become immune to the pain and the sadness and it all becomes normal.

Sadly.

But of course with everything in life as we move forward, we have to re learn to listen to our inner voice, we have to re learn to listen to our instincts. It is all part of the journey.

So I walked up the road further and further taking more photographs. I was mesmerised by the beauty around me and took humble thanks for how lucky I was to have this view. Sometimes I take for granted all the beauty of nature surrounding me.

I carried on walking and started to see a lot of logs pilled high my eyes gazed from one area to the next and the mood changed. I saw a sign, ‘property of highway maintenance’ my heart sunk. What was beautiful soon made my heart fall to the pit of stomach, I breathed deeply, I looked at the surrounding area the trees that had not been cut yet, they looked sad, sunken, desperate, as trees do in the winter. They where waiting to be heaved out of the earth and destroyed never to be seen again and never to bring me the joy I so desperately needed on a winters day.

You see if you keep walking up this road for another mile you come to an A road that has been completely devastated in order to build and add more housing and more shops. Which I might add we definitely don’t need. But greed does not see devastation, it is devastation. It destroys everything in its path for the power and the money it seeks to bring happiness. If only greed would take one look at the trees in the woods and see they need to be persevered not destroyed.

I took a few steps in slow motion, I looked around me, and tears fell, I was overtaken by it all, by the fact that I was one and there was nothing I could do as one to help. So I stopped and I ran my fingers along one of the branches and I grabbed it tightly. It was rough, full of the true beauty of nature, the branch itself wasn’t long, it was thin and helpless looking, but it was strong. I see her standing there as a single tree, but what I can’t see are her roots, they go so deep into the earth, they go miles below, looking for the best water and minerals to keep her alive. You cut her on top and her roots are still below. But only for so long, as they will slowly cease to exist and her connection to earth will be severed forever. What happens when the last tree is severed and gone?

We take for granted one of the most complex things in the world, but we would die without it.

Air.

Our breathe is the single most powerful and important part of living on this planet.

But when the last tree goes, the ability to breathe goes too.

What exactly are we doing?

I know we can change it but not one person alone. I believe we can  make a better future for our children, its starts with each one of us and it starts by making small changes at home. Cultivate your garden, recycle your wasted food, recycle your glass, tin, paper, and cardboard. Give back to the earth that gives to you.

Do so not only for your benefit but for that of your children. For the next generation.

I would give my children my last breathe, I would give them everything, so I feel in my heart it is only important for me to make an effort to live a better life for them. For their future. They deserve it.

It was that walk and coming into contact with nature that day that reiterated to me all the ideas I had about raising my son the right way, and more importantly what kind of man he will grow up to be. How raising him now will effect everything in his future. The choices he makes and potentially how he chooses to live his life. 

I allow him to make his own choices, he can play with whatever he likes. I enjoy watching him develop his own personality and enjoying his own company. He chooses his own food, although I do offer him healthy options when his choices are not that great. I am here as his guide, I shower him in love and I encourage him to feel good, always.

Although I fret sometimes about the world around me. I know the worrying will get me nowhere. We can get so caught up in the worry, instead I take thanks for what I have, for what my children have, and I live a life I am not only grateful to live but also that I am proud of. I do the things that make me happy in order to be the best for my children and my husband. If you don’t do things for you, then you are giving away your power. You are not respecting yourself, and you need to.

It doesn’t take long, it is easy to make small achievable changes and it is always for the better of not only yourself and your family, but the rest of the world.

Changes start small, and slowly expand until the big change unfolds.

Have you noticed a lot of people becoming Vegan and Vegetarian lately? I have. And it is all because we are learning to take control of our health in our own home. And we can. We can really do it, we can change this world and make it somewhere we are proud to live and thankful to be. It can be safe, and completely organic. But it starts with a small change first.

My son has managed to open my eyes to an abundance that exists around me. A love that is always there not only for our children and family, but for nature. For all that exists around us. Tap into that love now.

Or whenever you can. Whenever you want to. Take a walk in nature.

That unconditional love is always around us and waiting to be opened. It exists all around us. Unconditional love raises my son. Unconditional love moves mountains. It grows happiness and nurtures joy in us all. If you live everyday with love you are moving your own mountains however big or small they are.

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14 Comments

  1. January 18, 2016 / 10:04 pm

    Such a beautiful post Tanita. I always get completely drawn into your words and your writing. And I loved reading your thoughts on your son as obviously I am going to be having one of those little people soon. x

  2. January 19, 2016 / 1:10 pm

    Your words pulled at my heartstrings. My little boy should be around your son’s age now and it is bitter sweet reading about how amazing and compassionate 2 year old boys can be.xx
    oana79 recently posted…Brave New DreamsMy Profile

  3. January 19, 2016 / 4:05 pm

    What a wonderful post. I think it is so important for our children to be comfortable and happy on their own. One day your boy will make the best daddy there is! x

  4. January 19, 2016 / 8:33 pm

    Love the way this post was written, your writing style drew me right in! It’s so hard when we are living our own lives to think about how small we actually are in comparison to all the things around us that keep us going. Scary to know what the world could/will be in the future for our little ones. Amelia loves her playdough too and if in the right frame of mind will play for hours! x
    Alice recently posted…Valentines Playdough PlatterMy Profile

  5. January 19, 2016 / 11:05 pm

    This is such a lovely post. Your little boy is so adorable, I remember me and my sister being able to play with play doh for hours on end! It used to be fun making our own too! xx
    Sophie recently posted…Beauty | L’Oréal Paris Infallible FavouritesMy Profile

  6. January 19, 2016 / 11:14 pm

    Beautifully written post, it’s really got me thinking. You are right about allowing our children to make their own choices, and it’s great to see their little personalities develop. I will always be there to help guide my children in the right direction, but ultimately they have to make their own decisions.
    BloggerMummyLauren recently posted…My 2016 Reading ChallengeMy Profile

  7. January 20, 2016 / 12:22 pm

    You make haircut boys sound amazing. Im a mum of three daughters. A lovely post!!

  8. January 20, 2016 / 2:11 pm

    Beautiful post.

    I love the line about Archie being fiercely independent and yet also a little clingy at times. That would also sum up my little girl perfectly.

    xx
    Jenna recently posted…Trying againMy Profile

  9. January 20, 2016 / 11:00 pm

    This is really beautiful. Your writing is so captivating in this post, and whilst I don’t think I will ever become a vegetarian, I can respect why you have made this decision. We are making a huge effort to live cleaner and more sustainably though and so I guess those are our small changes 🙂

    i too am guilty of sometimes taking things for granted. We visited America recently and after seeing such horrific poverty in San Francisco, it really opened my eyes to how amazing it is here in the uk. sometimes I also get upset about things that I can’t do anything about. In our local town there is an old shoe shop which is closing down. It has been there fore about 30 years and now it is going to be closed and replaced by a Gregs!! This is sad enough, but to top it off, two doors down is a family bakery which has also been running for 30 years and now they fear that Gregs will mean they will have to close too. I found this so sad I cried … my husband thought i was bonkers! xx
    Amanda recently posted…Do the French know best when it comes to Parenting?My Profile

    • January 21, 2016 / 7:22 am

      Oh bless you Amanda. Yes I know what you mean it can be nothing that can really hot home with us and make us cry. It is all a balance trying to change how we live and still watching as things take place around is. Yes I can totally understand where are touring. Thank you so much for respecting my decision. Likewise I respect yours. Thank you so much for your lovely comment xx

  10. January 23, 2016 / 3:11 pm

    Your writing is so beautiful hun. You capture me in a way I just don’t expect from reading a blog post. I could never be a vegetarian, I just don’t like veggie meals enough! But I totally appreciate your decision, and if I could do it too I would. I don’t think enough of us understand about the devastation we are causing to the world. xx
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  11. January 23, 2016 / 6:07 pm

    Lovely writing I felt myself drift of with you as you were walking along! You have a lovely way of putting things and going veggie or even vegan had been something I have also been thinking about alot more recently xx
    Everything Mummy recently posted…A girly night in with TuscaneryMy Profile

  12. March 9, 2016 / 12:05 pm

    Such a lovely post and beautiful to read about the relationship between you two. I love watching the ups and downs of my two learning and growing together too. Thanks for hosting!
    Zomick’s recently posted…Cinnamon LeavesMy Profile

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